The Oddities of Sign Language
June 2nd 2008 05:15
Taking an extended road trip is good for the soul, though not the environment. Or bank account. Or resale value of the car once your speedometer tops two hundred thousand kilometres. However, it's good for clearing the head, even though the trip can start to get a bit tedious after the first few hours.
Listening to music, the radio and spoken word CDs (Salmon of Doubt and I Am America are the best things ever) is a good way to pass the time, but if you're taking a trip along a road you've been on many times before, you might get sick of looking at the same scenery over and over again. The temptation is to read something, but I have discovered this can sometimes interfere with the driving. The only thing left to read is road signs, but the majority of those simply indicate what speed you should be going and how far away from townships you are. The speed signs have no narrative continuity, and although there's some ramping tension to be gained from the approaching town distances, after you experience the same general progression with every town, it gets a bit tedious. Kind-of like the Friday the 13th sequels.
My most recent road trip presented me with the occasional interest-piquing sign. For instance, on the outskirts of a town that I presume was called Howlong, a sign helpfully read "Howlong this exit". I was tempted to stop and paint a question mark at the end, and chuckled to myself with great self-satisfaction, until I realised that I was, at minimum, the millionth person to think of that joke.
That then reminded me of a guy I used to know, who told me that he and his friends had gone up to stop signs around the city and stenciled "Hammer Time!" on the bottom. Shortly after that, the concept became very well-known, and I would boast that I knew the people who had started it. Whether they actually did or not was a thought that occurred to me much later, but I felt qualified enough to make the claim.
That, in turn, got me thinking about a much more obscure piece of graffiti that I'd always wanted to do. I've never been one to engage in graffiti, but whenever I see those signs that say "Form 1 Lane", I was always tempted to put a D before the 1 and an "ANE" after it. Those unfamiliar with actress Diane Lane would not understand what I was trying to get at, but then those who were familiar with her would not understand it, either. Unless her parents stand directly under it and give passing cars a thumbs up, it just wouldn't work. (I considered the organisation that would need to go into this, but given the sheer number of "FORM 1 LANE" signs around the country, it did seem a little out of reach. There are other impracticalities to this plan, but I never got as far as those.)
These thoughts kept me occupied until I reached another town, upon whose outskirts sat a sign reading "Advertisement here", but didn't indicate whether this was a recommendation or mere boasting.
The one that really fascinated me, though, was a series of signs that are scattered up and down and around the A1, that massive road that connected all the populated parts of Australia to all the other populated parts.
The signs read: "The Federal Government: Funding Better Roads". This struck me as an odd thing to proclaim. Isn't that obvious? Isn't that where taxes go? I'm certain that the accepted wisdom amongst the population is that this is where those long stretches of bitumen come from. I mean, it's not like we all believe that the English chose Australia as a penal colony because of its naturally-occuring national highway system. We all take it as read that the government funded the road.
The element that I found particularly odd was the fact that they felt the need to advertise this. It's natural to want praise for something positive, but they should have learned by now that when it comes to government, people only notice things when they go wrong. Very few citizens would be driving along thinking "Wow, this bit is nice and smooth, I should really remember to thank the government", but when they get to a bumpy bit, or find their journey interrupted by roadworks, that's when they want to know who's responsible, and believe me, you don't want big signs telling them you're the one behind it all.
The thing is, the last time I took this road, we had a different federal government. Different prime minister, different cabinet, different font, the whole shebang. In fact, the only thing that hadn't changed, as far as I could see, were those signs along the A1. The federal government that was now taking credit for the road was an entirely different entity to the one that took credit for it last time.
Why go to the trouble of advertising the fact, then? What's the product you're pitching? If the signs aren't there to promote either of the major parties, then what are they advocating? The concept of governance? Is this really something that needs advertising? From where I'm sitting, the only possible target for this advertisement are militia planning to overthrow our entire governmental system. If there is such a group, then promoting the positives of the Federal Government is probably a good idea, but I don't think is really enough. I can't imagine a band of rebels heading to Canberra with their muskets and pitchforks, seeing the A1 sign, and pulling over at a rest stop to rethink their plan.
Then, of course, I don't really know the mind of the revolutionary, which is why I've never written any overwrought operatic musicals based on French novels. I, of course, love my road trips, and am a big fan of the A1, so while the signs might not convince rebel forces to leave the Government alone, they've certainly convinced me.
Listening to music, the radio and spoken word CDs (Salmon of Doubt and I Am America are the best things ever) is a good way to pass the time, but if you're taking a trip along a road you've been on many times before, you might get sick of looking at the same scenery over and over again. The temptation is to read something, but I have discovered this can sometimes interfere with the driving. The only thing left to read is road signs, but the majority of those simply indicate what speed you should be going and how far away from townships you are. The speed signs have no narrative continuity, and although there's some ramping tension to be gained from the approaching town distances, after you experience the same general progression with every town, it gets a bit tedious. Kind-of like the Friday the 13th sequels.
My most recent road trip presented me with the occasional interest-piquing sign. For instance, on the outskirts of a town that I presume was called Howlong, a sign helpfully read "Howlong this exit". I was tempted to stop and paint a question mark at the end, and chuckled to myself with great self-satisfaction, until I realised that I was, at minimum, the millionth person to think of that joke.
That then reminded me of a guy I used to know, who told me that he and his friends had gone up to stop signs around the city and stenciled "Hammer Time!" on the bottom. Shortly after that, the concept became very well-known, and I would boast that I knew the people who had started it. Whether they actually did or not was a thought that occurred to me much later, but I felt qualified enough to make the claim.
That, in turn, got me thinking about a much more obscure piece of graffiti that I'd always wanted to do. I've never been one to engage in graffiti, but whenever I see those signs that say "Form 1 Lane", I was always tempted to put a D before the 1 and an "ANE" after it. Those unfamiliar with actress Diane Lane would not understand what I was trying to get at, but then those who were familiar with her would not understand it, either. Unless her parents stand directly under it and give passing cars a thumbs up, it just wouldn't work. (I considered the organisation that would need to go into this, but given the sheer number of "FORM 1 LANE" signs around the country, it did seem a little out of reach. There are other impracticalities to this plan, but I never got as far as those.)
These thoughts kept me occupied until I reached another town, upon whose outskirts sat a sign reading "Advertisement here", but didn't indicate whether this was a recommendation or mere boasting.
The one that really fascinated me, though, was a series of signs that are scattered up and down and around the A1, that massive road that connected all the populated parts of Australia to all the other populated parts.
The signs read: "The Federal Government: Funding Better Roads". This struck me as an odd thing to proclaim. Isn't that obvious? Isn't that where taxes go? I'm certain that the accepted wisdom amongst the population is that this is where those long stretches of bitumen come from. I mean, it's not like we all believe that the English chose Australia as a penal colony because of its naturally-occuring national highway system. We all take it as read that the government funded the road.
The element that I found particularly odd was the fact that they felt the need to advertise this. It's natural to want praise for something positive, but they should have learned by now that when it comes to government, people only notice things when they go wrong. Very few citizens would be driving along thinking "Wow, this bit is nice and smooth, I should really remember to thank the government", but when they get to a bumpy bit, or find their journey interrupted by roadworks, that's when they want to know who's responsible, and believe me, you don't want big signs telling them you're the one behind it all.
The thing is, the last time I took this road, we had a different federal government. Different prime minister, different cabinet, different font, the whole shebang. In fact, the only thing that hadn't changed, as far as I could see, were those signs along the A1. The federal government that was now taking credit for the road was an entirely different entity to the one that took credit for it last time.
Why go to the trouble of advertising the fact, then? What's the product you're pitching? If the signs aren't there to promote either of the major parties, then what are they advocating? The concept of governance? Is this really something that needs advertising? From where I'm sitting, the only possible target for this advertisement are militia planning to overthrow our entire governmental system. If there is such a group, then promoting the positives of the Federal Government is probably a good idea, but I don't think is really enough. I can't imagine a band of rebels heading to Canberra with their muskets and pitchforks, seeing the A1 sign, and pulling over at a rest stop to rethink their plan.
Then, of course, I don't really know the mind of the revolutionary, which is why I've never written any overwrought operatic musicals based on French novels. I, of course, love my road trips, and am a big fan of the A1, so while the signs might not convince rebel forces to leave the Government alone, they've certainly convinced me.
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