What's In A Name? I Can Never Remember...
July 8th 2008 13:35
A lot of people are walking around right now with the misconception that I don't know their name.
I really like that description of them, because they sound as if they're wandering about in a daze, preoccupied with the fact that I might possibly have given them a "Hey, you!" instead of a "Hey, Reginald". (I don't actually have any friends named Reginald. Or maybe I do, and I've forgotten. He's probably simultaneously pleased at getting a mention and upset that I'm doubting his existence.)
The funny thing is that I actually do have a really bad memory for names and faces. Takes them forever to insert themselves into my memory. I've got a great memory for everything else (events, connections, music/film/art, that sort of thing), and have found myself correcting someone else's memory of an event they were part of even though I wasn't.
There's just something about faces and names that doesn't work with me. Well, they do eventually. Once someone's in the memory banks, they tend to never leave. Once you get past that initial impossible barrier, you're there for good. And I'm now beginning to realise that my memory is an inadvertent metaphor for immigration. Weird.
It is, however, in that pre-entry period where things get awkward. I just don't register names when people are introduced to me. I suspect I'm too pre-occupied with other things (trying not to say something stupid on my first impression, trying not to trip over myself, etc). There's an awful lot things you need to do when you meet someone, and remembering their name seems to fall off the bottom of the list.
Every subsequent meeting tends to have a twinge of awkwardness as I try to figure out a non-overt way of finding out their name. A lot of the time, it involves quietly asking a mutual acquaintance, but in the instances where that isn't possible, creative tricks must be employed. "Who were you named after?" "Is your name short for anything?" "How do you spell your first name?" The best trick is to give them your email address and hope they send you something that (a) doesn't get filtered into your junk mail, and (b) comes quickly enough so you remember why you're eagre to read this email from a name you don't recognise. The worst trick, and the one I've unfortunately had to resort to more often than not, is to stand there with a friend or significant other, and specifically fail to introduce them so they have to do it themselves. It works, but does not make things less awkward.
Still, I can cop to a bad shortish-term memory. The problem I have is with those situations in which it appears I've forgotten their name, when really I haven't.
It's just that I find it really strange to use someone's name when I'm greeting them. It doesn't really feel weird when they do it to me (eg: "Hi, Lee!"), but it's an incredibly odd sensation for me to do the same to them. It strikes me as being the most redundant piece of information I could possibly give them. "Hi, Reginald!" Reginald knows his name is Reginald. He's also not confused about the fact that I'm addressing him, given I'm looking him in the eye and responding to his "Hi, Lee!". So why does Reginald always get a look on his face like my non-name-inclusive response means I may as well have compared him to a secret body part?
I suspect it may be that those first dozen times I said hi to Reginald without using his name, it was because I actually couldn't remember it. In those instances, he has every reason to be suspicious of my apparent forgetfulness. But from the thirteenth meeting onwards, it should somehow be obvious to him that I'm exercising specific judgment when I say "Hey man, how's it going?". Not that he needs specific reminding that he's a man, but it's a term of sort-of affection, whereas his first name is not. Unless he's incredibly starved for attention, in which case he's got bigger worries than whether I can recall his moniker or not.
I really like that description of them, because they sound as if they're wandering about in a daze, preoccupied with the fact that I might possibly have given them a "Hey, you!" instead of a "Hey, Reginald". (I don't actually have any friends named Reginald. Or maybe I do, and I've forgotten. He's probably simultaneously pleased at getting a mention and upset that I'm doubting his existence.)
The funny thing is that I actually do have a really bad memory for names and faces. Takes them forever to insert themselves into my memory. I've got a great memory for everything else (events, connections, music/film/art, that sort of thing), and have found myself correcting someone else's memory of an event they were part of even though I wasn't.
There's just something about faces and names that doesn't work with me. Well, they do eventually. Once someone's in the memory banks, they tend to never leave. Once you get past that initial impossible barrier, you're there for good. And I'm now beginning to realise that my memory is an inadvertent metaphor for immigration. Weird.
It is, however, in that pre-entry period where things get awkward. I just don't register names when people are introduced to me. I suspect I'm too pre-occupied with other things (trying not to say something stupid on my first impression, trying not to trip over myself, etc). There's an awful lot things you need to do when you meet someone, and remembering their name seems to fall off the bottom of the list.
Every subsequent meeting tends to have a twinge of awkwardness as I try to figure out a non-overt way of finding out their name. A lot of the time, it involves quietly asking a mutual acquaintance, but in the instances where that isn't possible, creative tricks must be employed. "Who were you named after?" "Is your name short for anything?" "How do you spell your first name?" The best trick is to give them your email address and hope they send you something that (a) doesn't get filtered into your junk mail, and (b) comes quickly enough so you remember why you're eagre to read this email from a name you don't recognise. The worst trick, and the one I've unfortunately had to resort to more often than not, is to stand there with a friend or significant other, and specifically fail to introduce them so they have to do it themselves. It works, but does not make things less awkward.
Still, I can cop to a bad shortish-term memory. The problem I have is with those situations in which it appears I've forgotten their name, when really I haven't.
It's just that I find it really strange to use someone's name when I'm greeting them. It doesn't really feel weird when they do it to me (eg: "Hi, Lee!"), but it's an incredibly odd sensation for me to do the same to them. It strikes me as being the most redundant piece of information I could possibly give them. "Hi, Reginald!" Reginald knows his name is Reginald. He's also not confused about the fact that I'm addressing him, given I'm looking him in the eye and responding to his "Hi, Lee!". So why does Reginald always get a look on his face like my non-name-inclusive response means I may as well have compared him to a secret body part?
I suspect it may be that those first dozen times I said hi to Reginald without using his name, it was because I actually couldn't remember it. In those instances, he has every reason to be suspicious of my apparent forgetfulness. But from the thirteenth meeting onwards, it should somehow be obvious to him that I'm exercising specific judgment when I say "Hey man, how's it going?". Not that he needs specific reminding that he's a man, but it's a term of sort-of affection, whereas his first name is not. Unless he's incredibly starved for attention, in which case he's got bigger worries than whether I can recall his moniker or not.
| 93 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
Unfortunately, it has the look of making you seem a little weird at the same time.
Comment by Anonymous
I play "Let's all get out our driver's licence out and laugh at each other's photos".
Weird, yet effective.
Comment by Lee Zachariah
Procrasturbating
I did try the driver's licence one once, but looked at the wrong part and kept referring to them as 082406914. So embarrassing!
Comment by Anonymous
I've found that I really offend some people so I'm doing research to see if it's an actual condition.